snippets of the way i overthink

As this important day I've been counting down to for ages draws to a close, I felt deep and reflective  of my day today. Results day is often a day people dread, me being no exception at all! I apologise to those people who I began to push away as I got anxious and snapped at whenever they told me to calm down. I disregarded people when they tried to remind me that these grades don't even matter in the future, they are merely a stepping stone for wherever you want to go next. In perspective, it's not like a job employer will ask you what you got in your A Levels, or GCSEs, at a job interview - even if so, that's very rare. While I say I blocked out them comments, I also realised I told other people the same textbook answers of "I'm sure your grades really weren't that bad" or "everything will fall into place in the end", etc etc. While they are typical reminders, I do also believe there is some truth in this. So it occurred to me: if I&

More recently, I've been joking about trust issues a lot. I use that as an excuse just to not tell people things, whether I actually trust someone or not. I will admit, however, that I did learn the importance of not telling everyone everything the hard way - being open with others used to be my forte. Through watching dramas such as Pretty Little Liars and Gossip Girl , it's made me wonder a lot about how many secrets my friends keep against me (things that involve me obviously, not just about other's business) and deeper, within my family - if any that is. We've been brought up to tell the truth and to especially be open to our parents. I guess it just scares me thinking that my parents could be hiding important details about my life to me and I could never know. And this is also the part when I remind myself that dramas tend not to be based on real stories and are exaggerated for entertainment. But what if? Whilst on the one hand I crave for a slightly more int

Recently I've been counting my blessings, making the days count rather than counting the days. It's been a rough and chaotic month, A levels just create a bad cocktail with everything. However, here's a simple but truthful list of things I'm thankful for despite all this, wooo!! 1. My prayers are with those who have been affected, or know someone who has been affected, by the London attacks but I am very very thankful that I have been kept safe as a London liver and frequent traveller 2. I've finally gotten through all my A level exams so it's basically summer now (just waiting for the weather to cooperate)! 3. I've been awfully healthy if I may say so myself; cooking and experimenting with different super foods, drowning myself in bottle after bottle (of water), making a fruit salad rather than picking up the nearest packet of crisps 4. I've become a better cook! Forcing myself to eat better has finally given me hope I can survive uni life 5

"no one said it will be easy" A quote all too well known for so many of us yet still so underestimated. I'm going through something I would call 'tough' currently and the support i've had from people around me is amazing. Obviously people ask me how I am etc, but I can't really describe how i'm feeling myself, it all feels very complicated and foreign - but then again i've never really been good with words in the first place. I've always labelled myself as being quick and easy to open up to people, not usually afraid of what might go wrong cos I've always tried to take a positive outlook: this information could probably help people with their own situations and it will be better for me if I didn't bottle things up. Besides, telling people my own stories has always been my way of making conversations with people. However, more recently it's occurred how much can go wrong? Well for starters, a friend recently asked how I'm

Getting hooked on a series is one of the best and worst things - you'd know if you've been a series addict before too. Recently I finished watching the series Skins after about 2 months, which is a rather interesting one. I had a discussion with the friend who got me into it about why it's so good cos essentially it's just about teens who are going through sixth form and what they get up to, except it's really twisted and unrealistic at times since it's not very likely that someone who's 17 or 18 will have quite so much drama in their life, or more, that some of the characters don't appear to ever work yet still got good A level grades. Truthfully, I hated watching skins the first time but I forced myself through the first 2 episodes cos I heard how good it was but now that I've finished all the episodes, and all the extra side story episodes, I just feel very lost. I felt like I grew to know the characters and we were almost friends cos i'm

My dears, Tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the world thinks it's better to keep me out of the frame sometimes. I mean, as if it's not bad enough when your friends seem to turn their back on you, it just feels a whole lot worse when those people are your family (including an additional 4 people who we rent out rooms to) because: so you're supposed to feel safe and unconditionally loved in the comfort of your own home, right? But apparently even my own house isn't my safe place anymore. Tonight's post is most likely an overthinking post but nonetheless I still think and feel it. The difficulty tends to occur over dinner. Before they arrived I loved talking to my family and would get loads of words in. I shared tonnes about my day and so would my family cos other than that, I would lock myself up in my room whether to work or relax or whatever. However, things have changed, times have changed, situations have changed. I speak but people speak o

Hey! Just a short and sweet post tonight. I know and can tell that most people are just reaching an end point now, especially here in London with my friends as we anticipate exam season and all the revision that leads up to it. It's quite easy (for me at least) to just make excuses for not trying at school or not helping with things around the house with simply "i'm tired". But i'm reminded that there's a purpose to each day and we shouldn't count the days but make the days count. Though you may be lacking motivation and all that, maybe go on youtube and watch Shia LaBeouf shouting at you to "JUST DO IT" or get some food to accompany you as you work. However your approach, remember life's short as it is so we should do something that makes us feel accomplished everyday. Perhaps starting with this hopefully inspiring post :) Now stop procrastinating and work! Starting's always the hardest part but we can all get through this! Hehe

I must say, it is sad to admit this. I had reached a point where I just wasn't sure if it became something I just did mindlessly as part of my weekly routine or whether it was one of those things where people tell you it so much you convince yourself they're right and it's true. I would say I've always been known as a music girl, from never shutting up as a child to being a consistent member in some form of choir from 6 years old to taking music at gcse and now a level. I've always had my moments with music like loving it 100% when I take part in musical performances but dreading my piano lessons every time. With uni in view, for about the last 3 months I was very certain I'm taking music as a degree but it was not until the last few weeks when I started doubting myself and wondering whether music indeed was something I was capable of doing, and more if it was something I was genuinely passionate about. But this all became clear tonight. My music family (m

'Everybody has those days' 'It's fine to feel like that' 'Your feelings don't define you' While those phrases are true, I believe them to be just another excuse for when we feel upset. We don't really have the need to feel upset. I'm very certain the positives in life outweigh the bads and, even more cliché than everything i've already said, there isn't enough time to waste for it to be worth being upset. But sadly, I have been feeling upset recently. I hate that sentence but it's true and I think it's just better for myself, and those around me, if I didn't lie. Perhaps a better way to phrase it would be that i'm feeling a bit lost. I no longer know where i'm definitely headed for future life, I don't feel like I have many 'constants' or 'securities' and more important to me, i'm not sure who my true friends are anymore and with who I belong.  Now I'm sorry if you were havin

My dearest friends, Indeed I've been slow at it but I think I have finally understood what it means to 'be the friend you want to have'. I have tried to live by that quote for so long as I believe it holds truth, but I want to live it out even more now. I'm sorry in advance for the deepness of this post but today, I was hurt. I love my bestfriend. I mean of course I would, one does not simply just call someone their  bestfriend . But also today, my bestfriend was hurt. I really wanted to know why and what it was that I could do to make her feel better but instead, neither did I get to know what the truth was nor the latter. And I guess, while I am happy and proud of her for doing this, it was also upsetting to see the fact that she went and told someone else what was wrong with her. I thought she trusts me. She has always told me not to bottle up my feelings and that she's always there for me and that she loves me. Everything she has told me is held true from

Hi friends! It's been rather a while since anything worthwhile happened on here but to be fair, were any of my previous posts even worthwhile to read at all? The past two years has brought on a lot for me and some of my greatest life changes took place; starting with the fact that I was single two years ago.. and am still single today yay! But for real, I was immensely close to deleting this blog after re-discovering it earlier today when my friend was trying to stalk me online. I was extremely close to deleting everything in my many previous posts (I'd written 5 for your information :)) that I had put so much time, love and effort into creating. However, if you know me, you'd know that I'm another of those people who just has an issue with trying to get rid of the past. You never know, maybe the internet won't even exist when i'm an old granny jamming to stormzy whilst eating my leftover pizza from the night before, but I'd rather keep my snippets of em