My dears,
Tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the world thinks it's better to keep me out of the frame sometimes. I mean, as if it's not bad enough when your friends seem to turn their back on you, it just feels a whole lot worse when those people are your family (including an additional 4 people who we rent out rooms to) because:
so you're supposed to feel safe and unconditionally loved in the comfort of your own home, right? But apparently even my own house isn't my safe place anymore. Tonight's post is most likely an overthinking post but nonetheless I still think and feel it.
The difficulty tends to occur over dinner. Before they arrived I loved talking to my family and would get loads of words in. I shared tonnes about my day and so would my family cos other than that, I would lock myself up in my room whether to work or relax or whatever. However, things have changed, times have changed, situations have changed.
I speak but people speak over me. I share my thoughts and no one bounces off what I say. I ask questions and I get aired. I feel excluded from conversations and left out the hoop and people generally just seem happier when I don't talk, i'm not even going to lie. This may seem like an exaggeration but I'd say that's quite similar to the truth, except maybe it happens something more like 77.5% of the time rather than 100%, so there's the silver lining in my sadness.
I don't know what my point is for sharing this cos I don't want to seem depressed all the time. But I guess I'm voicing my thoughts here cos it's not like people will listen to me at home, and whether or not people read this, I like to think that there are.
On the other hand, it's been the sweetest thing talking to those people who you just have on social media but never talk to. Several people who I had cut links with for a while have also popped up again and the relief of knowing you haven't lost that friend is beautiful. So perhaps for once, friendships are more important than familyships?
I love you all always,
Haynam xxxxxx
Tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the world thinks it's better to keep me out of the frame sometimes. I mean, as if it's not bad enough when your friends seem to turn their back on you, it just feels a whole lot worse when those people are your family (including an additional 4 people who we rent out rooms to) because:
so you're supposed to feel safe and unconditionally loved in the comfort of your own home, right? But apparently even my own house isn't my safe place anymore. Tonight's post is most likely an overthinking post but nonetheless I still think and feel it.
The difficulty tends to occur over dinner. Before they arrived I loved talking to my family and would get loads of words in. I shared tonnes about my day and so would my family cos other than that, I would lock myself up in my room whether to work or relax or whatever. However, things have changed, times have changed, situations have changed.
I speak but people speak over me. I share my thoughts and no one bounces off what I say. I ask questions and I get aired. I feel excluded from conversations and left out the hoop and people generally just seem happier when I don't talk, i'm not even going to lie. This may seem like an exaggeration but I'd say that's quite similar to the truth, except maybe it happens something more like 77.5% of the time rather than 100%, so there's the silver lining in my sadness.
I don't know what my point is for sharing this cos I don't want to seem depressed all the time. But I guess I'm voicing my thoughts here cos it's not like people will listen to me at home, and whether or not people read this, I like to think that there are.
On the other hand, it's been the sweetest thing talking to those people who you just have on social media but never talk to. Several people who I had cut links with for a while have also popped up again and the relief of knowing you haven't lost that friend is beautiful. So perhaps for once, friendships are more important than familyships?
I love you all always,
Haynam xxxxxx